Constelação Familiar – Amor que adoece e amor que cura

As our personal conscience connects us with our family, it plays a key role in our love.

We often observe in children a special love, deep and limitless in its surrender and at the same time self-centered and blind to its consequences.


This love believes in self-sacrifice as a way of protecting loved ones, even if it is really just a magical idea that has nothing to do with the reality of the observed facts.


This love, Hellinger called “blind love,” and realized that in it lies the basis of all tragedies – hence the nickname “sick love.”


This love rises against the established order and against reality as it stands, even against death. He hopes to supplant everything with his strength. And so it fails.


In opposition to this love we see another love, broader and more comprehensive in its vision and also more measured and humble in its actions.


Hellinger called this love “conscious love” or also “love that sees .”


This love flows with order and stops at facts that cannot be changed, refusing to act beyond what conditions permit.


This love also keeps in your field of vision the other, the beloved, and the love that emanates from him to us. It is humble and measured, respectful. And so it achieves.


To illustrate such a difference between these two loves, let’s take an example.


Imagine a 5-year-old girl next to her mother’s bed who is seriously ill. The mother knows that her chances of survival are remote and the child in turn realizes this easily, as all children do.


Now let’s take the image of the first love, acting in the heart of this girl. The desire to “save” the mother immediately arises.


This is natural in a 5 year old girl. She may say in her heart a secret, “When you go to death, Mom, I’ll follow you.


“Or,” I’ll die in your place mommy, so you can stay. “


And how does this girl’s personal conscience feel? Light! You feel like a heroine because you feel you give your life to save your mother’s.


But the effect of this love is disastrous.


The child can’t really do anything. Also, how does the mother feel if she could hear what goes on in the girl’s heart?


Very bad, for sure.


Now imagine another way of loving. Imagine that the child grows, lives, and after a while says in his heart to his mother:


“Dear Mom! You are and always will be my dear mama! You gave me life , and I take it as a precious gift!


And with this life, I will do something good. If I happen to be given children too, I’ll tell them about the wonderful mom you went to me. And in my right time, I will die too. ”


How does the daughter feel now? How does mom feel? How will future grandchildren feel?


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